I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
