Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
