mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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