When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
