I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
