I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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