don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
