You work out of a Hotel?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
