Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
