Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
