im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
