You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
