I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
