We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
