complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
