Yo dont text me then not text me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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