On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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