I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
