She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
