lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
