Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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