every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
