But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
