i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
