You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
