i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
