so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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