im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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