if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
