At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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