I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He did a backflip because drugs
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