I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
