Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize