I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
