i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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