I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize