i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
