so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
