Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
