I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
