i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
