; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
