kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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