i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
