If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
