Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
