I think i peed on brittanys purse
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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