I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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