fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
