I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
