My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
