she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
