i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
