i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
