I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Never underestimate the power of titties
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
