Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
