All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My penis needs a shock collar
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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