so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
