Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
