Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
3 2 1 whiskey
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
