Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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