Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
