lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
