By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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