Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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