We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
