Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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