I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
