My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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