Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
