big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
